hey self defeater.....

that's you. driving over that bridge. feeling all too familiar. you don't feel quite right.....you wish you could say "unhappy". buy you were happy earlier, you were happy yesterday, you were happy last week, you'll be happy tomorrow. yes, there's things that are wrong. but that's not what's hitting you. it's that feeling again. deja vu. you've felt it every time this time of year, driving over that bridge. finishing a full day only to head home, to not much. as if all you do isn't worth anything. you know that's not true. but it's just that feeling, when you know you'll be fine later, but at that moment something is missing. it's you, you're becoming this. this defines you. a quality you don't want to have. you don't understand how it hasn't changed. you begin to think it's part of your identity. .... you cannot change it. you want so badly to bring it into being. to have your gaze across the room to have some merit. some force.