catching the glow

I remember when I was like 17-19 and I had 'the glow". I was just so happy with the people in my life and how things were going....give or take a few things missing. I was definitely happy. I still am, but the glow is more fleeting. More than before, I notice that I have longer periods of time where I'm glowless, and I don't know what it'd take to get it back. However, lately I've been able to catch that feeling. The one where you're just happy to be alive, even if you're not doing anything extra exciting or new. You're comfortable even if there are serious problems around you, because you know that that's just a part of the big picture.

This is good, because not too long ago I was beginning to think I had lost my ability to be that happy........you know........glowingly happy.

So now, when it think of the current conditions, I think I owe it more so to the people in my life.

I always say stuff like this, but it's def. something pretty vital to me.

Times when I don't have the glow doesn't so much mean that i'm lacking company, but that i'm lacking the right kind of company.

I think when I have the right company, my anxieties dissapear and I realize I don't have to worry that much, because in those moments others have faith in my even when I have questioned the faith in myself.

What is one to do if they are alone and begin to doubt themselves? They have no one to encourage them.

I think that is what saves me.....other people. It makes it so that I am not so dependent on them if I don't want to be. What I mean is, it gives me a light at the end of the tunnel if I do feel i've lost a glow.........if i do feel alienated. Somehow, someone can bring me back.

Sometimes I feel soo alone, but luckily I have just enough special people in my life that I feel know me and understand me, even when I don't get myself.

Even moreso, to see that someone else truly believes in you. It makes you want to never let them down, so you hold your actions to a higher standard. You aren't just living for yourself, by yourself. You know that what you do sends energies to others and that it matters what you do.

I'm happy to have my glow still, and I hope it never goes away.