i currently don't like other people close to me

I'm trying to become happy again. Just my old self. I think I've been putting too much weight on trying for things that aren't what i'd naturally do in hopes of being the best I can be. Maybe for me to truly be the best I can be, it means I should do things at my OWN pace, rather than trying to keep up or trying to do tons of stuff to feel as if i'm accomplishing something.

In reality, i'm much happier hanging alone and blocking out certain influences.

A lot of things and people I just want to throw as far away from me as I can. I get wayy too harsh and critical at times, to the point I just cannot deal with certain others. Which another reason why I should just be my own best friend.

I don't wanna say 'all' but, i think all of my connections have broken. Or at least the kinds of connections you think you are having when you are younger. Now people seem further out, and I seem further out than being on the same page.

It's good i'm realizing this because now I can just stop expecting much from others all over again like I used to do.

Kinda sad, but very realistic and worked in my favor some years ago. I love people, but at a distance.

actually written Thursday June 9th 2011