its over halfway done and i've decided that i'm lazy, unmotivated, unlikely to be laid anytime soon, unlikely to be in love/loved anytime soon, likely to be come a professional cynicist, and uh...........in need of a completely new lifestyle. "what's new" you say?
the fact i've realized there's no love or sex in my new future and the fact i'm STILL bored with my life and unmotivated and lazy. according to my mental life plan, i'm supposed to be surpassed all that by now or at least close to defeating it.
the bored with life part probably has to do with the fact nothing in my life has changed in 4 years. the lazy and unmotivated part is prolly highly correlated, but also a matter of me not reminding myself enough how important it is for me to stop my bad habits now to fix the first few issues.
i know how in control i am of my own fate and well being
and it helps me work my way out of some sticky situations, but recently i put myself in a sticky situation all on my own. my life has been so chaotic. so ridiculous. and i haven't even really done much of anything. It's all my fucked up mind space reflecting onto my reality and making me make dumb decisions.
i really have to ................................HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO
get my shit together. and stop letting myself be my own personal defeatist.
and in addition, save myself from further embarrassment and personal shame that i just let myself be subjected to. you live you learn, but i already know better.
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