i'm really at a pivotal point in my life. i'm at that age where i know it's ALL in my own hands at this point. yet, somehow, i still don't know for sure where to turn. practicality or flow? take the leap or play it safe? how disciplined am i really? i never ever considered the military, but maybe that could help me follow my dreams AND teach me the discipline i really desire and need.
i need to start considering time and the future. the present is already a gift, can i do something to ensure that is stays that way?
maybe.
it might suck for awhile but.....in the long run.
the summer makes me both slightly a hedonist, but still so thoughtful and wise. i guess my best lessons come when i let loose and act a little wild.
on a different note.... it's strange how fear can present itself. you think you're bold and confident and completely worthy of companionship. and you meet someone that makes you feel inferior. sinking into adoration.
it's strange the mix of emotions i get from this person. hope, fear, uncertainty, love, comfort, real. sad. surreal.
i suppose my biggest fear is one i've dealt with time and time again: rejection. life just let me alone. and when i say alone, maybe thats all i would prefer to be. rather than have to have dealt with love&loss.
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