and life is very long..............

today was an interesting day. i woke up feeling a little sloowwwed down. Basically, my mind wanted to start going, and my body didn't. my emotions have been taking the back seat lately. not that it's a big deal. it's just instead of really dealing with the small things, i've let them stack on top of each other.
then what happens....you get slowed down, won't stop taking loud breaths every 40 seconds. feeling like i'm gonna be sick april.

i've been feeling like a basketcase w/o feeling anything.
live has been showing itself to me, just like it always does.

i need to get it together, but i find myself just thinking about all the possiblities of everything.
my mind is open so wide.

all i wanna do is sit and ponder.
i know, typical dreamer, philosophical shit.

i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, get whatever i want. take advantage of life my way.

in reality, i'm limited by work and school, and i should just work around it and be super-acheiver. but i end up letting myself get in the way.

enough of that.


i went to the canal today with the freinds. it was absolutely beautiful. soo great to be away, physically and mentally. just laughing and exploring. i felt like a kid.


i never feel like a kid.

everything is so endless.
everything is a possiblity.


i used to see everything as being a certain way. reality. the way it IS.
not the way things COULD be.

but now everything is sooo uncertain.

it is so strange how people change.
i saw laura today, i saw her yesterday
she's still so beautiful and intriguing.
steve seems like a good guy.

it's absolutely surreal. not seeing someone in 8 years.

then you meet and you dont know what to do.

also somehow, the more time you spend, the more you figure it out.
things become natural.
they don't always start that way.




i'm always so overwhelmed. all the time.

all the time.



the meeting gave me some insight.
it makes life more real. i dont think i'll get these words later, but i'll try and explain:

shes alive, i'm alive.
8 years later. not really a big deal to say.
but the world is going. we could have not been around to see each other.

being back w/her felt like the kid days. just seeing her, b/c thats where i remember her from
it's just strange. being in the same air as someone you havent seen in forever, and didnt know when you'd see them.
it was a reality check but also an alternate universe feeling thing.
kind of out of the ordinary, but very real. but surreal.

now i'm just talking.

i can capture the feeling. i tried.










really.......it was a LONNNG day. i was surrounded by people i love ALL day and i went from freeling like shit, to feeling endless again.

i've got a lot to see. i don't want to go anywhere.